Sexual Desire


What is a lack of sexual desire?


It is a lack or a total absence of sexual fantasies or of the desire to have sexual activities. More women than men suffer from a lack of sexual desire. It is sometimes generalized, meaning that the person has no desire whatsoever for anything sexual : fantasies, masturbation, the partner, other potential partners. Sometimes, the problem is more specific, meaning that the person has sexual desire in some situations but none in others. Couples often come for therapy because the woman lacks sexual desire; we discover later that she has in fact sexual fantasies and masturbates but she does not have desire for the partner. In this case, I work at resolving the couple dynamics at play.


Sexual desire also involves sexual fantasies. They are images, scenarios, people, which lead the person to be sexually aroused. They vary a lot. They can be romantic, related to certain sexual positions, certain people, few people at the same time, observe people having sexual activites, be observed by people while having sexual activities, be dominated, humiliated or hit, dominate, humiliate or hit someone else, use an object without any erotic connotation usually (eg boots) etc. Fantasies are often the easiest way for someone to reach orgasm. They can be used at any time but usually during masturbation or sexual activities. Some people feel guilty for having sexual fantasies; they feel they are unfaithful to their partner. The sexual fantasy is not a threat to the couple’s sexual life as long as it is not necessary to obtain sexual satisfaction. Fantasies reveal a lot about the deep conflicts or anxieties of a person and are therefore an interesting path for sexual therapy.



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