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Sexual Desire
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What
is a lack of sexual desire? It
is a lack or a total absence of sexual fantasies or of the desire to have
sexual activities. More women than men suffer from a lack of sexual desire.
It is sometimes generalized, meaning that the person has no desire
whatsoever for anything sexual : fantasies, masturbation, the partner,
other potential partners. Sometimes, the problem is more specific, meaning
that the person has sexual desire in some situations but none in others.
Couples often come for therapy because the woman lacks sexual desire; we
discover later that she has in fact sexual fantasies and masturbates but
she does not have desire for the partner. In this case, I work at
resolving the couple dynamics at play. Sexual
desire also involves sexual fantasies. They are images, scenarios, people,
which lead the person to be sexually aroused. They vary a lot. They can be
romantic, related to certain sexual positions, certain people, few people
at the same time, observe people having sexual activites, be observed by
people while having sexual activities, be dominated, humiliated or hit,
dominate, humiliate or hit someone else, use an object without any erotic
connotation usually (eg boots) etc. Fantasies are often the easiest way
for someone to reach orgasm. They can be used at any time but usually
during masturbation or sexual activities. Some people feel guilty for
having sexual fantasies; they feel they are unfaithful to their partner.
The sexual fantasy is not a threat to the couple’s sexual life as long
as it is not necessary to obtain sexual satisfaction. Fantasies reveal a
lot about the deep conflicts or anxieties of a person and are therefore an
interesting path for sexual therapy.
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Copyright © 2009 Geneviève Parent |